Hosting Thanksgiving can be a lot of work, especially when you’re responsible for cooking an entire meal for a large family. Between grocery shopping, preparing the food, cleaning the house, and making sure everyone has a place to sit, the costs and responsibilities can add up quickly.
One woman says she’s reached her limit after spending years preparing Thanksgiving dinner for her husband’s family. What started as a simple arrangement where everyone contributed a dish has turned into an expectation that she’ll handle nearly everything herself.
Now, with 16 people expected for Thanksgiving and a grocery bill that could exceed $450, she’s considering sending the family a sign-up sheet. But her husband thinks she should handle the situation differently.
She turned to Reddit to ask whether she’d be wrong for finally putting her foot down.
Thanksgiving Wasn’t Always This Complicated
In a post shared on Reddit, the woman explained that she and her husband have hosted Thanksgiving for the past four years.
The first year, the arrangement was simple. She offered to prepare the turkey and stuffing while everyone else brought a dish of their choice. According to her, everything went smoothly, and there was plenty of food for everyone.
But things changed the following year when her sister-in-law started telling relatives that the host had everything covered and they didn’t need to bring anything. The woman says her mother-in-law even stopped bringing side dishes after being told that the entire meal was already planned.
When she raised the issue with her sister-in-law, she was told that everyone loved her cooking. Rather than create tension, she continued taking on the extra work.
Last Year’s Thanksgiving Cost Her $380
By the third year, the woman was preparing nearly every dish herself. She made turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, macaroni and cheese, gravy, rolls, and two pies. Her grocery bill came to approximately $380, and she started cooking at six in the morning.
Meanwhile, her sister-in-law arrived around three in the afternoon with a bottle of wine and a store-bought pumpkin pie.
This year, the situation appears to be repeating itself.
The woman says her husband’s cousin recently messaged her to thank her for taking on the entire Thanksgiving meal again. That’s when she discovered her sister-in-law had once again told relatives that they didn’t need to contribute anything.
With 16 people coming, she estimates the groceries alone will cost well over $450. She also expects to spend approximately 14 hours cooking by herself.
She Wants Everyone to Sign Up for a Dish
After several years of handling most of the Thanksgiving meal, the woman says she’s considering a different approach.
She wants to send a message in the family group chat listing all the dishes she’s apparently expected to prepare, along with the cost of each one. She would also include a sign-up sheet so relatives could choose what they wanted to bring.
But her husband doesn’t agree with the approach.
He thinks she should speak privately with his sister instead of involving the entire family. The woman argues that she’s already tried to address the issue, and her sister-in-law has kept making promises on her behalf.
She’s now wondering whether sending the group message would be taking things too far.
Reddit Users Say She Should Send the Sign-Up Sheet
Most Reddit commenters supported the woman’s decision to ask her family to contribute, with many questioning why her husband wasn’t stepping in to address the situation with his sister. Others pointed out that hosting already involves plenty of work without having to prepare and pay for every dish.
Several suggested sending a friendly group message explaining which dishes she would provide and asking relatives to sign up for sides, desserts, and drinks. However, many advised leaving out the individual prices, arguing that listing costs could make the message unnecessarily confrontational.
Some commenters recommended avoiding any mention of the sister-in-law and simply correcting the misunderstanding. Others felt the woman should stick to preparing only the dishes she originally agreed to make, regardless of whether everyone else followed through.
Should Hosting Thanksgiving Mean Doing Everything?
Every family handles Thanksgiving differently. Some have one person prepare the entire meal, while others divide the cooking, grocery expenses, and cleanup. Neither approach is wrong, as long as everyone agrees to the arrangement.
But there’s a difference between offering to host and having someone else decide that you’re responsible for feeding the entire family. In this case, the woman originally agreed to prepare the turkey and stuffing, not spend hundreds of dollars and an entire day cooking for everyone.
With Thanksgiving approaching, a simple group message and sign-up sheet could help clear up the confusion before the holiday arrives. It would give relatives a chance to contribute while letting the host enjoy some of the day herself.
After four years of hosting, she’s not asking her family to take over Thanksgiving. She simply wants everyone to share some of the responsibility, and with 16 people coming to dinner, that seems reasonable.
