Co-parenting often requires patience, communication, and compromise. But for one mother, a disagreement with her ex-husband over their son’s daily habits has become a constant source of frustration. She says she isn’t trying to criticize his parenting, she just wants their child to have the basic routines he needs.
In a Reddit post, the 33-year-old mom explained that she and her ex share 50/50 custody of their 11-year-old son. They alternate weeks, with their son spending equal time at both homes. While the custody arrangement works on paper, she says one ongoing issue has become impossible to ignore.
A Routine That Keeps Falling Apart
The mother claims that her son often returns home after spending a week with his father without showering, brushing his teeth regularly, or changing into clean clothes.
She explained that this has been happening for years rather than being a one-time mistake. Each time her son comes back, she feels like she has to rebuild the habits and routines she works hard to maintain at her own home.
For her, the concern goes beyond appearances. She worries about the effect that inconsistent hygiene habits could have on her son’s health and confidence as he gets older.
Attempts to Talk Haven’t Helped
The mom says she has brought up the issue with her ex several times, hoping they could agree on similar expectations in both households.
Instead, she says those conversations often turn into arguments. According to her, her ex feels she is criticizing his parenting style, while she feels her concerns are being ignored.
The disagreement has left both parents stuck in the same pattern, with neither side feeling heard.
More Than Just Showers and Toothbrushing
The mother explained that hygiene is only one part of a bigger concern. She says her son’s routine at his father’s home also includes late-night gaming, fewer limits on internet use, and less structure overall.
She believes the lack of consistency makes it harder for her son to maintain habits that require regular reminders and support.
She also mentioned that her son has ADHD, which can make routines more difficult to manage without guidance. At her home, she says he does well with reminders and a set schedule, but those habits often disappear during his weeks with his dad.
Her concern is that switching between two very different environments may make it harder for him to develop lasting routines.
Reddit Users Shared Their Opinions
The post received plenty of responses, with many commenters saying they understood why the mother was concerned.
Several people pointed out that an 11-year-old is still learning responsibility and may need reminders about personal care. They argued that parents still play an important role in teaching children habits like bathing, brushing teeth, and wearing clean clothes.
Others shared their own experiences with poor hygiene during childhood, saying that missed routines can sometimes lead to dental problems, embarrassment at school, or difficulties with confidence.
Some commenters also noted that divorced parents do not have to run identical households, but they felt both parents should agree on basic standards of care.
Is She Being Too Strict?
Many readers did not think the mother was overreacting. They viewed her concerns as being about her son’s health and development rather than trying to control her ex’s parenting.
Most parents would agree that an 11-year-old still needs guidance with personal hygiene. While children this age can start taking more responsibility for themselves, regular reminders and expectations are still part of parenting.
For this mom, the bigger challenge appears to be finding a way for two households with different rules to support the same child.
